I recently had an extremely healing experience with closure and although it was highly personal, I know that the benefit of sharing my story should transcend my fear of opening up to you.
I have been doing hypnotherapy and it is by far the most incredible tool that I have ever discovered. It is a great way to correct old habits and develop new ones because your subconscious mind is in sync with your conscious mind. I have only just begun and it has already facilitated so many miraculous changes in my life that I plan to write about very soon. Today, however, I want to write about the closure that I was able to give myself during my last session.
Even if you are not a believer in hypnosis, you can still use this technique. Bear with me.
If you know me, you know that I was closed off to the idea of a romantic relationship for a really long time. After spending a couple years in an unhealthy relationship, I promised myself that I would not waste my time or anyone else’s time until I knew that I was where I wanted to be professionally and emotionally. I viewed men as distractions and the half-year that I spent in Costa Rica taught me so much about the world that I had almost forgotten about love. I even went as far as to have a gold, Cuban style bracelet made with the word “patience” on it in Hebrew, which served as a reminder of the promise I made to myself (in front of my ancestors- because I am Jewish and Cuban) that I would not be lead into love.
While in Costa Rica, I took all of the energy that I had previously spent on others and I dumped it all into myself. I was in the best shape of my life, I had learned so much about the world and my place in it, and I discovered my passion for writing. I felt more stability than ever before.
Only a few weeks after I returned to the states, I met someone. Despite every block I had put up, it felt right. It felt like God was guiding me to him. He spoke my language like no one ever has. Every day with him was the new best day of my life. It was the first time I ever felt real love.
And then it was gone. He was gone.
At the time, I did not have the understanding of love that I do now. I felt like he rejected me after I had shown him my soul. I missed him. It is crazy how quickly and intensely we can develop tunnel vision. When I pictured my future, I could only see the many ways I wanted to love the same man over and over again.
After coming to terms with the end of our time together, I was unable to think about him without feeling horrible. I spent about a week in bed. I had lost my enthusiasm for life. What was once the most positive experience I had ever had quickly became the most negative one.
When I finally picked myself up, I needed constant stimulation. If I had a few seconds in my head, my thoughts would wander to him. I felt angry- at myself, at him, and at God. My chest would tighten and my anxiety would consume me.
At the end of my last hypnotherapy session, the amazing lady that I am working with asked me if I had gotten closure about this relationship. I told her I had not. She asked me to close my eyes.
“I want you to picture his face”, she said. I realized I had not seen his face in so long. My heart was racing. It felt too real. I saw his beautiful eyes. They always looked like they were searching for something and no matter what his mouth was saying, I could always see his essence in his eyes. They were so stunning.
She asked me to picture what I would say to him. At first I was angry. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to explode and I wanted an explanation. But then she directed me to think about all of the gifts he had given me. This man had taught me how to be open to love, how to feel love and how to give it, he taught me about the things I want in a relationship and the things I do not want, he inspired me, he gave me the strength that developed from getting through my first real heartbreak, and I would not be the same woman I am today without him.
I thanked him for everything. I pictured what he would say back to me. He thanked me too. It felt so good to hear his voice.
I gave him a hug and I felt his warmth. It was a symbol of my forgiveness. I forgave him, I forgave myself, and I understood why God sent him into my life.
In this moment, I realized that closure is nothing more than changing our response to a past event. We feel like we need closure when there is an unresolved, negative feeling about something. But all we really need is the will to change our thinking.
It was weird letting go of my sadness. It had consumed me. I did not know what I would think about if I was not sad. Speaking for myself, sometimes I forget that it is okay to be okay. Each day since this moment has been better and better for me. I feel whole again. I can find true happiness in my days. I can look back at what I had with him and remember it for its beauty, while still understanding the lesson that it gave me. I have allowed myself to accept that people flow freely out of our lives, the same way they flow into them.
It was really difficult to write this piece and I hope that it reaches someone who needs it. If anyone wants to talk deeper about this or learn more about hypnotherapy, please feel free to contact me. This stuff is not easy but it is easier when we do it together 🙂