I just got out of the shower. I let the warmth hug me and comfort me as the water washed away the dirt left from my day. It feels so good to cleanse. It’s like forgiveness.
I’ve never been very personal on here and I decided recently that I should be. Most of the time, it is the thing left unsaid that could have made all the difference. If I want to connect with you, I have to open up.
I sat down on the floor of my shower and I let two instances run through my mind. Without invading the privacy of others, I will share as much as I can.
First, I thought about someone I loved. Our relationship was never in the light. For the longest time I thought that following your heart was the most important thing. I realize now that it’s not. Your heart is impulsive, malleable, and present. Your mind is calculated, fixed, and predicting. When your heart and your mind do not align, there is a problem. I pursued this relationship, even though I knew it wasn’t right, and I kept pursuing it in hopes that the ends would justify the means. The ends never justify the means. Your karmic wheel cannot distinguish the difference. The right ends will never require the wrong means.
Next, I thought about a relationship with a family member. I am only responsible for my own actions and I have never treated this person with the respect and kindness they deserve. I always feel guilty and hypocritical that I have not aligned my spiritual aspirations and lessons with my behavior in this circumstance. I have let my pride keep me from reconciliation and have once again hoped for a scenario that would justify my means.
I want to correct the second scenario and forgive myself for both. So I started thinking: what guides me to forgive others? If I look someone in the eyes and Know that they will not repeat their actions, I forgive them. I think the same thing applies to internal forgiveness. You cannot really forgive yourself until you Know that you have come to understand your wrongs to an extent that you will never repeat them. Journaling helps here. Meditation helps here. All reflection that brings you closer to your nature.
That’s all. Cheers to my first authentic blog post 🙂